Van Wilder’s Dad

Sometimes you just have to realize a poor investment and simply cut your losses…. write that down!

-Van Wilder’s Dad


About a week ago, I hopped in my car to run a few errands on the opposite side of town, which meant I had at least an hour of driving time ahead of me.  I was driving along and I noticed , what I thought to be, a dark black strip whipping around in the wind next to my wiper blade. I automatically assumed it was a piece of my wiperblade tearing apart and now flapping on the glass. Until I got a better look at what this object really was.

It was a damn lizard hanging on for dear life on my windshield.


I was quite aware that I should have been paying more attention to my driving and not the damn lizard, but I just couldn’t help myself. I kept slowing down when gusts of wind felt too strong against my car and slowing down for curves on the highway.


My heart skipped a beat every time a strong wind would cross paths with my car. With his body slapping back and forth on the glass, there were a couple of times that I thought for sure he was a gonner. With so much anxiety built up over this small little creature, I wanted to pull over to make sure he was OK. But there was no safe place for me to pull over on the highway.


So, the tiny creature and myself pressed on until we reached our final destination. As I put my car in park, I sat there. Waiting. To see if there would be any sign of life left in this little thing. After a few seconds of anticipation, he sprung to life. His rapid little heart beating throughout his entire body and shaking like he just saw his entire short life flash before his eyes… continuously for the past hour, like a record on repeat.

After sitting there watching him scurry off the top of my car and onto the nearby grass, I had a fleeting thought:


“Thank goodness I am not that lizard”


I mean, think about it. That poor guy gripped on to a car windshield with all of his might to stay alive for an entire hour.  Who the hell wants to go through that?! I sure as hell don’t.


And then I started thinking, maybe my life isn’t too bad. I don’t have to worry about anything like that. What is worse? Waking up to a job I hate, or waking up stuck to some asshole’s windshield and shitting myself for the next hour wondering if this guy’s gonna pull over so I can save myself.

So, you see, folks? Things could be so much worse. Remember that.