And the PURSE to MATCH!

WTF goes in a purse?

Ok, for those of you who don’t actually KNOW me, I’m a newbie to the world of “purse carrying” and figuring out what’s suppose to go in it. So, essentially, this is about how to pack random shit in a purse.

Current weapons of choice:

Miniature flower umbrella- which has YET to serve a purpose

2 notebooks- 1 for tracking my iron pumping occurrences in the gym, and 2 for tracking my perpetual spending (still not serving a purpose)

Wallet- $21 a bunch of cards I never use

2 pens- even though I prefer to use pencil

1 bobby pin- it’s a hair “thingy” for you fellas that don’t know

ID badge- for my oh-so-important place of employment

1 case- carrying my iPod with my badass purple Skullcandy earbuds

MASSIVE cell phone- I still miss my dinosaur phone

Victoria’s Secret “Angel” Lotion– funny, I don’t feel like an Angel

Jack Black Lip Balm- no, not the guy from Tenacious D

Purple miniature hair brush- which, I hate because it actually hurts my head to use

Metal locker lock- this could also be used as a weapon while walking to and from the gym

Rolled-up cash amounting to $50- nope, still haven’t put that in my wallet with the rest of my cash

Car keys- I hate the sound of me carrying my own keys and I’m not exactly sure why.  Everyone else can do it, just not me

Phone charger- you know, just in case I run into an outlet that needs a charger

Silver case- carrying three mini tampons

I just realized that I have A LOT of “miniatures” going on in the ol’ purse… is there a miniature man in there, by chance?  One with a billion dollars?  Not today, it seems.

So, what this boils down to is I have a bunch of randomness going on in there.  Mostly just to fill the space of this monstrosity of a bag that society says that I need to carry.  Where did this stem from?  Reaching “middle age” and comparing myself to other “middle aged” women.  I started noticing these massively colorful bags that women choose to carry around with them and decided that maybe I, too, should be carrying a massively colorful bag.

So far, this experiment is not going too well.  I never remember to zip the damn thing up while I’m toting it around, I’m constantly knocking people over with it, like I did at Big TEXAS, and I haven’t quite figured out the proper way of “wearing” it or “displaying” it.  I’m not quite sure what the correct term would be to describe the “carrying” process of a purse.  Although, I am leaning towards using the term “displaying” due to the fact that these suckers are ridiculously expensive, overly decorated and large enough to sneak in a small child into the movie theater.

I’m comfortable with labeling my purse as mid-size.  I couldn’t quite hide a small child in there, but I could definitely pack an iPad 4, with a keyboard and case (future expense yay!).

Ok so, what is it that middle aged women carry in their secret shoulder luggage?  Why does it NEED to be zipped up?  Is there a traveling gnome in there being held captive?  Are there purse-carrying necessities that I should be aware of?

Moral of the story?  If you want to fit in with other middle aged women, then go buy yourself an oversized suitcase to wear on your persons at all times that will eventually lead to countless visits to the Chiropractor.  OR!  Just don’t give a sh*t and carry whatever you want.  For now, I’ll continue toting around this monstrosity hoping to, one day, come to some sort of a conclusion as to whether I should continue or discontinue.

To be continued…. 🙂

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